‘I’ve carefully gone through your text of Wagner, madam. Quite passionate, a tour de force. This is precisely why I don’t call myself a Wagnerian, you will permit me (I hope) to provide some of my critical input.’
Mary Lynne allowed herself a minute smile and crossed her legs at the table.
The man tried his hardest not to look at her lovely, thin legs.
‘You start the text off strong, with a title that cuts to the chase, that doesn’t wander. The readers thinks that you will…that you’ll…’ His frowning face softened. ‘As early as the first, then the second paragraph to expand upon, to provide arguments to the qualification you laid…laid out, oh dear, I’m losing myself…in the title, yeah, that’s the word, IN THE TITLE! He gathered his wits for a second and started banging his head on the table – and yet nothing.’
Vincent D’Onofrio (Cholo) with Mathilda May (Stephanie) in the movie Naked Tango the end of the film.
‘You say that he bullied his colleagues, and also that you cannot cite a single example, because there is nothing written, or disclosed. Funny, one would wonder: where did the daring claim come from that the man was a witnessed sadist when there are neither examples nor evidence of this? ’
The man extended his hands towards her. ‘Oh, Maryyyy…I will strangle youuuuu! With a wire string, dude!’
The man panicked. He grabbed her throat. He screamed. ‘I’m panicking! I’m panicking! I have to jump!’
And he jumped at her mumbling how truly unhappy he is.
‘Look at her, how easily she gives herself to me! You are no longer so prideful! Get yourself up you low-browed dunce! Oh if only a wind could blow right now to lift your skirt up, and here I am having to put up the effort, they’ll even call this rape!’
‘And it would’ve been romantic’ Mary Lynne said coquettishly.
‘Right, like in Tannhäuser. Sing to me, sing to me, be my…Wilhelmina Schroeder!’
‘Is that like Venus?’
He lifted her leg in lieu of responding, as if he were plowing a field. He flung it over his left shoulder.
‘Do forgive me never more will IIIIIIIII
Come to me if fortune’s what you seeeeeeeek’
Sophie Koch as Venus in Tannhäuser
‘My fortune…’ He uttered between heavy panting and then flung her left leg over his right shoulder (where the other one went, he wasn’t sure). ‘My fortune lies in Mary!’
And he added:
‘I also think that the text would have had more impact if Hitler hadn’t been mentioned. What, there’s no bloody way that Stalin, who was none the lesser a monster and a murderer than Hitler, didn’t love Glinka or Borodin, or more likely Mussorgsky. That does not mean that these composers were vile men. There is a sizable possibility that Idi Amin loved Tartini or Paganini, why not. There are counterexamples as well. Beethoven loved Napoleon for years, he even devoted ‘Eroica’ to him, after which he got disappointed, gave up on Bonaparte.’
‘There.’ Mary said, after an explosive finish a la Eroica. ‘Now, will we do some Wilhelm Friedman for me, sweet lover?’
‘Start!’ With Mary’s dress at an arm’s reach, he quickly put on a dress and made-up and groomed in a manga style he lifted his hairy legs up high, swearing that the Cliven depilatory cream was not handy.
‘You know how much I care for hygiene!’ He wept.
‘Cold waxing is the best with the Tiger tire glue.’ She smiled. ‘Now have a listen…’
‘Wilhelm Friedman was spat upon to the point of pain. A boozehound, died poor…(SIGHING) They then admit that he was the greatest instrumentalist of his age. The dude hit the clavier, not a single person could challenge him. A biography that on the surface looks like the buckish bios of notable rock musicians. Oy vey, there was a movie as well, I think the title of it is in fact Wilhelm Friedman, where he, apparently, suffers and struggles (SHE SIGHS LOUDER AND MORE PASSIONATELY) as a gifted son of a well-known father. The catch is that his father was nowhere near as noteworthy when Friedman was playing, and his problem was neither living in his father’s nor in his brother’s shadow (Mozart said about Carl Philip Emanuel: ‘He is the father, we are all his children’ (OH GOD!!!!), which reckless historians transposed as Mozart talking about Bach, and he didn’t.) (BOTH SIGH AND MOAN), but with all those flies, fleas and planktons that make up life and make up us humans, like a living organism, dead center in that life itself. Leopold Mozart, Wolfgang’s pops, picturesquely and colloquially described the habitus of Friedman Bach. ‘A remarkable musician, an unrivaled composer, but a heavy, heavy drinker.’’
He was panting. ‘I love Händel a lot. I have some undocumented version of his Water Music, therefore I do not know either who performed it or when, and the version is, just, it’s the balls, it tears ass… I listened to various different versions, but most of them are shit, can’t even come close to what I have. Händel and Telemann, by the way, I view as bigger composers than Bach. ’
Lars von Trier’s Antichrist was playing in the background during all of this. An erect phallus added to the magic and romance of the two. Candles were too much with all of these other stimuli. At the peak of arousal, they were slapping each other, arguing which composer is better.
‘Boozehound, spendthrift, died poor, boozehound, spe…e…eh, dear husband, I think that will do for the evening.’
And while he was putting on man’s clothing, Mary Lynne sang Messiaen: Turangalîla-Symphonie (Joie du sang des étoiles) in front of the mirror, the director of the Artist’s Trilogy Ron Gabe Bonester went upsy-daisy and with a ‘Camera, cut!’ he marked the end of the shoot.
‘I gave you too much freedom! None of that was in the script!’ He paused for thought. ‘Now you, kid, get Mary a gun to blow your brains out!’
The actress went upstart. ‘That wasn’t the deal!’
Bonester shouted in response to this. ‘Nobody questions my authority! For two hours behind that there…glass compartment…the Australian minister of culture is sitting and waiting for the script which will present his arduous devotions at the Art Conference focusing on non-profit management. Our country cannot develop economically without innovation in that particular field. And education! Who do you think you are? Who bought me this Canon EOS 6D to shoot you guys? Get serious, woman, and continue the oral, along with Chopin and your husband.’
‘But…we are ARTISTS!’
‘An overrated term. I do not exchange my ideas with the personnel. We directors laud a vibrant and growing creative economy!’
Then both He and She approached him and pounded him into the ground, while Bonester slid on the floor in his oversized suit.
‘Shall we continue where we left off?’
‘You mean…while the Minister Behind the Compartment observes?’
‘And then a gun to the head, like Romeo and Juliet. Or was it poison? But let’s not split hairs.’
‘That would probably be a mistake, but…as I said… we are artists, dear colleague, and a happy couple in Art. We cannot live on without the drama.’
‘And voyeurs,’ someone whispered, sat in a chair where the now unconscious director lay and followed this up with a thunderous applause.
Then the trio continued the show agreeing that the Husband should be given any old name.
Mary’s gaze flew up and she said: ‘He will be named Frederic. Like our unborn son.’
Nobody objected, therefore Frederic could begin.
The Minister, who physically reminded one of the head electrician, would record something with an expensive video camera. But under the condition that he played Chopin.
‘Bah bah, the Best Boy.’ Both send passionate kisses to him. Then, with an erotic play, they embraced.
‘Artists, such artists,’ mumbled the Mysterious Traveler, the Spectator, the Third Without Whom You Can’t Go On, from the artistic Kingdom of Heaven.
But Mary Lynne and Frederic were in their own world, wreathed in music and gifted with a gift worthy of the Gods.
The camera buzzed. Reflectors flashed.
‘I’ve carefully gone through your text of Bach, madam. Quite passionate, a tour de force. This is precisely why I don’t call myself a Bachian, you will permit me (I hope) to provide some of my critical input.’
‘…as far as the Bach family is concerned, I love Wilhelm Friedman and Carl Philip Emanuel, they rule, each in their own way, but I dug up some other guys as well – for instance, Johann Bernhardt Bach is also excellent. In the classical era Johann Christian Bach stood out. Imagine that wondrous family tree, this beast of a family, which branched out during a good hundred-and-so-year period, and bore nothing but interesting musical fruit. Crazy.’ (SCREAM)