Author Archives: leilasmtrajkovic
No more kitty kisses.
Lara,
Around me blossoms
the same spring awakens
wreaking havoc on my life
I’ve kicked the crap out of “merciful God”
I’ve struggled thumbscrews tenderhearted angels
I’ve punched justice in her gravely face
I’ve said to all those blitz words such as:
joy, light, merriment, hope:
go back to your cheerful fellows
As she is laying numb in my arms
I fell her body gone numb and her breath is frozen
with her lips pressed together
in her final breath
the great struggle stiffed her limbs and the black demon left
her stern eyes
the pupil of the eye is spilled over with fog
I wonder if this is my time of death.
In this wasteland –
this seems to be
my life now.
Forgive me I couldn’t write a better poem for you,
for the pain has prevented the birth of worthy verse
No more kitty kisses.
Lullaby For Lara
My best friend, my cat Lara passed away in March 28, 3.10 p,, in Belgrade, from virus Feline panleukopenia.
For Lara
My love
my friend
my kitten
Dream a dream
inside a dream is
a
beautiful dream
an eternal dream
I cast a peace spell on you
Sleep tight my little sleepy head
Smooth sailing through the night,
Close your wide – opened eyes
Your pupils do not belong to
These dark regions
Nowhere to go after this wish so
You all to myself, to dissappear together
In the place lit by some new suns
(Why I did not die instead of you?
You, demon,
Why you did not take me?)
Brightness cracks.
My duration mocks at me
Tomorrow and tomorrow will undergo
I know.
Wearing a poison in unbearable journey
But,
Nowhere to go when I want to get into
The dawn in my kitten’s eyes
I’ll see you again on the horizon
wherein dream prevails
we meet again
and at the end and on the extension of the road
So long
rest my sleeping beauty
sleep with serene Mud Maid’s sleep
on the other side of the eye
glistens your heart vividly
and though I want to assure myself you
went with a smile
my soul cries, I…
I know that death is the wall that separates us
and that life of the dead living is blinding my sight
my reason
my mind
but that is the nature of sorrow
this is the law of the crying mind
Therefore
Calm be in the horizon
Wait for me..
where they sing ancient lullabies
Calm be…
are you running now lively and all rested?
Wait for me…
at the end of the road and on the extension of the times
tomorrow you’ll be hanging out with roses
sleep peacefully
sleep peacefully
night night, my love
night night
Night.
Poet Killer
Through the phrases and sentence structures
interspersed with subtle assaults
I kill the naughty people
they are falling as wooden blocks
after reading my letters
My sentences are marching!
STAND AT ATTENTION!
DO NOT SPEAK OR MOVE UNTIL I TOLD YOU TO DO SO!
MARK TIME, MAAAARCH!
they are whipping my victims in dramaturgical strokes and pathos.
My sentences hit unexpectedly.
Let’s face the truth – I am a poet killer.
But, still, I say something.
NOW, STAND AT EASE!
Thus spoke my mother, Leila Samarrai
Thus spoke my mother.
Seek no longer the soil
Forgotten among the trees
Under which you were born
In the chosen night
When the grasshoppers flew away from the terraces
Into the heap of voices filled with hatred
Directed towards me
Silent mother
Not even a sound to flicker within me
How could I have known
About the other side of maps
Are they coming yet to take me
Rooted in the last morning of a bullet
I arise barefoot
The sea is frightened
Like ground from thunder
Night and an open door, Leila Samarrai
Night and an open door
Spook takes over my head
I see your eyes
Judgment hour – accurately measured moment burns away
I see your eyes
They do not belong to me alone
I threw my soul
Those are the irises of the breeze – yell the dark mirrors
Used up voices grow from blood
They knock over trees by crawling
You return
Roughly wetting the sanctity of my lips
I
Mute and stiff on the threshold
Bitten by the first pain
I spew snake venom
Those are perhaps the silence of your hate and my oblivion
In truth
Neither you, neither me, neither communion
Neither sailors
Left on the lost spectral shores
Neither the cry of ships in the night
Or is it a song of violent love
She is never left voiceless
Even when unheard
Master and Servant, Leila Samarrai
“For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.”, Matthew 13:13
Strange and for me, shameful, hypocritical, let’s say, paradoxical Bible quote, but what else to be expected from the tax collector. This should be a motto of every bank in the world… written in bold letters, to bath the counter desk with the sacred meaning..
SERVANT
Matthew,You, Master, with prostitute blessing,
look at ME!
If I pay Caesar what belongs to him and to God his due,
What is left for me?
How do I pay next time?
You place your head on holy ground…look up!
Are you the One who blesses only the rich?
Are we not blown in the same winds?
MASTER
No! No.
Go to church brave Esther
To esteemed pillars of Jerusalem
Plunge your sword in alchemy of truth and lies
Are you hungry enough to think you’ve fallen?
Did they make you believe you are so low?
Your deeds glorify thy righteousness
How ridiculous to be well read and hungry!
Let their empty hearts speak, spill gold
Believe in me, when empty hearts speak
When your eyes are gouged out, believe in me
Forgive those who do not have–
And reconcile the human injustice.
Oh Matthew, still, you hide.
.
Trust No One
I am a idiot. I trusted a woman whose bomb flew beside my ear in 1999!
The Spark Of Life, unedited
I had too much tragedy in my life, that I was, unfortunately, used to being abandoned and betrayed by people who have no business abandoning me and betraying me, and that I have also trusted people who have let me down. Also I’ve developed friendships with people who have taken advantage of my kindness. I have been used and abused but I still continue to show my strength and my spark for life.
I reached out for the moon
with a hand that caressed brightness
I reached out for a rose
with a hand that caressed thorns
And I blessed Brutus and Judas
I kissed their wickedness
my hands were slain,
and their knives were laughing
And I let my blood to flow
into river no one has ever seen
where I was drowning myself, my tears, better to say…
with them I efflorescented my ordinary sorrows
My betrayers have escaped
and their scoundrels went off
They slipped out of blood with deft of guileful
The moon is darkened
the moon is darkened
with the treacherous skill
while they guarded their misdeed
I tore off a rose petal
the other
and the third
all their green youth
I picked up…
The first blackguard
the second
then the third
I became Mars
I became iron
I became stone
with myself
I branded wretches
villains, hypocrites and scoundrels
with myself
I kissed an evil ones
and hugged all the wiles
and toads, and idolaters
Still
My heart goes out to innocent blood
My heart goes out to tender hearts
My heart goes out to spark of life
Leila's blog 